Losing by Winning

Its funny that I choose to write today,
When I cannot even speak to myself
And I expect to speak to my blog, my mirror
Guess what, it might just be cracking itself!!!
A fool that I am, that I hurt everyone,
A fool that I am, that I do not understand,
A fool that I am, that I bring shame to people I love,
A fool that I am, with friends I cannot blend!

Look at me, what am I saying, calling myself a fool?
Am I trying to gain sympathy? Who am I trying to fool?
Myself, my blog, my reader, the inner me,
No no, don't worry, I am calm from within, really 'cool'!!!
This is a sympathy game, I am playing with myself
Where I call myself names, cry before people, fool the lot
And embarrass my friend, my name, my personality
Then, look back, smile, and feel happy about...

Hey wait, it doesn't end there, I don't stop,
Then I message, and call, and expect people to understand
Understand something that I myself do not
So what? They are my friends, so they should 'stand'
Beside me, no matter what I do, beside me
Not with me, because then they will know the truth
And I cannot afford that, as I do not know it myself
And with this, I get sick pleasure, and inside I 'soothe'...

Now can you imagine, what a maniac I am,
I am loosing it by the second, every second
I am planning, and plotting, and becoming a phycho
And expecting; when time comes, oh all this, I will easily mend!
This, a mess? Loads of Laughter! I must be kidding myself,
This is a game that I am playing, a game where only I can win!
This is fun, you can never lose; how can you loose to yourself?
No one will understand this, because through this, no one else has ever been...

I make the moves, I decide the rules, I judge the performance of myself,
I delve deep in thought and strategy to win and win only
I keep no stone unturned, I know all the ways, everywhere
I can do no wrong, neither can I, in the midway, flee
Why should I, its my game and I am winning,
All my moves are correct, all strategies right on target
What can go wrong? Who can make anything wrong?
And I LOSE! Remember, its RIGHT ON TARGET!!!

The Living Tree

A hitch; a thought; a tough decision

The Law isn’t a game, a pre-planned creation;

It breathes, it grows, it resonates our will,

It is dynamic, forceful, never ever still,

Social, political, general; life at large;

In law do they all merge;

Still criticised, frowned, looked at with fear,

What all does it have to bear?

It grows, so grows society, life, living,

Peace, security, people’s well-being!

Had been there no law, and no justification,

Then all hitch; all thought; and even tougher decisions.

The Mumbai Blasts: Dogs of Terrorism and Pack of Wolves as Leaders

A drop rolled down my cheek, and then another, and another
They seemed never ending, beyond my control
The pictures I saw were piercing my heart;
The pictures of fire, of pain, of the huge ‘fall’!
The fall of our pride, our love, our country
Our people, our guests, our heritage, our history
By fanatic fools, of a corrupt regime of people
Who inspire with lies, blind faith, and misguided stories.

People died, were killed for nothing,
And nothing was served, no one liberated, raised to paradise;
Selfish desires were met, veiled in fallacious yarn
Hiding felony in theories of virtue and vice
Innocent populace faced the bullets of ignorant minds,
Of terrorists who know nothing of what is real,
Who kill, because of no sane reason
But create their own ones, and fall prey to imprudent libel.

After all that has happened, we but stand and watch
Our imbecile leaders, who just talk, and pursue nothing;
They fill their pockets, and serve their selfish needs
And stand and watch the bereavement of their fellow beings.
What do they care for our welfare?
They only look back when votes are the concern;
They come and promise, and fall on their knees
Once elections are over, all is forgotten; well said, but never done!

Six decades down the stairs of freedom, this is where we still stand
Where a few terrorists come and rip apart our homes in ease
With all the advanced weaponry, and all the security everywhere
We are killed, tortured and raped, whenever the terrorists please.
And leaders appear in their secured vehicles, with crocodile tears and hidden smiles
Scheming the advantage such devastation can bring for them;
Whether the vote-banks will increase, and who can be fooled and influenced
And to which more advantage can this obliteration stem?

By crying out slogans, and hoping for the better,
We are, in no way, helping the same;
We are but falling prey to dogmatic political games
Where every fallen soldier remains as just another ‘name.’
It’s time for us to rise to the need of the hour,
And cuff crooked leaders on their faces;
And find better people, beyond the present flock of wolves
Who bite our necks at every chance, without leaving any trace!

The Dream Of an Awake Indian

Why to fall to one’s knees?

See the world, as everyone rises high!

Stand up and fight the clutches of agony,

Fight till you win, or, with honour, die!

We are a nation of awake people,

Of many a warrior, of strength and might!

When we stand together the world trembles!

When we strike; no one dares to fight!

Our freedom struggle stands testimony of the valour of this nation!

Our fore-fathers our idols, of strength and might!

Our poets and our musicians creating magic everywhere!

Our leaders have always taken our nation to great heights!

Then why are we ashamed of being Indians?

Why are we not proud of the country we live in?

Why are we falling prey to dogmatic beliefs and hypocrisies?

Why are we not raising our voice against forces so mean?

Our country is beautiful, with its culture and heritage;

We are rich in our means, and when we look at the start

We see ourselves standing from the ashes of our own nation,

But we stand upright now, with pride in our heart!

The beggar on the road, and the tattered clothes should not pull us down,

But make us responsible of seeing the obvious, and removing the same.

To see our nation proud of its teeming millions,

We should fight it, rather than be ashamed!

The day we Indians raise all together,

And stand against all such hurdles in our path,

They will be crushed beneath our feet and pulverized beyond existence;

And India would be but ‘heaven on earth’!

I know it’s a dream of a patriot Indian,

But how I hope all Indians dreamt this,

How I hope I could see a person making a difference,

With a little hug, or a small kiss!

Lost in Front of The Fear of Death!!!

Like a dark cloud engulfing the sky,

The light of life was getting dimmer;

The past episodes played back in my mind,

The difference between life and death was getting slimmer!

In spite of living for so many years,

I felt as if I had not lived at all,

I could remember everything that happened with me,

Suddenly life looked so small!

To gather courage I applied my mind

To find a reason to happily die;

To reason out the fear associated with death

And emanate courage from truths or lie!

Life is a journey, a river flowing by;

Death is a destination where the river meets the ocean!

I do not understand why the ocean looks fearful;

It is but us only, Almighty’s creation.

We separate from that ocean as droplets of water,

And land on a body where we see life

Hence our journey should always be towards reaching that ocean again

In reality, it is that for which we strive.

All the reasons sounded so good;

Everything made me feel intelligent and smart

However, in the back of my mind

How I hoped I could go back to the start!

All reasoning failed in front of the harsh truth,

And the truth was that I did not want to die,

I wanted to live, for life, for love,

And everything else was a farce, a lie!

I remembered my mother’s warm hug

Every time I succeeded in whatever small way;

I wanted to lie in her lap and cry,

I wanted to be with her every single day!

I remembered my father, his bold strong voice;

And how he always stood as the strongest pillar of our life

His guiding hand in every endeavor we ventured into;

His concern even when we handled a small knife!

I remembered my sister, my support in everything

How she stands by my side in pranks and success

How she smiles when I fall, and teaches me to get up on my own;

I wanted to tell her that I loved her, which I might have told so less!!!

I remembered my dreams, of big aims and success;

Of a huge car, a huge house, an enormous life!

And how I also planned to realize those dreams;

But always failed when it came, for it, to strive!

How I hoped I had not done the mistakes that I did,

How I hoped that everything in life would be good!

I feared looking back at all that I had done,

I feared to see life from where I stood!

I only realized how foolish people are

When they say they want to die,

Because when it comes to seeing death on its face

The dreadful flash shuts your eye!

I realized it’s not a joke to stand at the edge,

It’s not a joke to see death in the eye!

It’s not a joke to see life slipping away from your hand,

It’s not a joke to see the end nearby.

I just hoped for a second chance,

To correct all that that I had done wrong!

So that at least if I meet God Almighty,

I can hold my ground, and stand strong!!!

Speculations

A fearsome flash revealed a dreadful sight,

And I pushed it away with all my might,

It still persisted, with the agonising pain

And I knew it would leave a 'dark' stain!

A saddist, a pesimist, a depressed soul

A person without hope, without a goal!

I have heard so much about myself now

That all i do is 'take a bow!'

All I do is look at the mirror and smile

At all that i believed all this while.

I feel happy that atleast I dreamt well;

So what if I woke up in Hell!

At least in my dreams i saw Paradise;

And now, for me it would be wise

To accept it all and move along

To find 'my place'; where I 'belong'.

With all my heart i try to achieve this

But in the very beginning, it is all amiss!

As my heart was the curse; in a state of mess.

And there is where lied all my weakness

Only if I had used my 'mind',

I might have succeded, to realise what I attempted to find.

Today I have even left hope of finding myself!

Of finding that peace; that solitude; a place where i might dwell...

Call me a saddist, a curse, a pesimist, intolerable; but

I am, and will be this; because doors of change have all been shut!

Reality Strikes Again!!!

Am I a man or a machine?

Can I not have emotions?

Why is it difficult to understand me?

Understand my feelings and their erosions…

Have I ever forced anyone

To go against their heart?

Why then do I suffer this fate

That too from people close to my heart?

Why is it my fault always

And never an understanding from their side?

Why, in spite of living with people I love

To cry, I cover my face and hide?

Some relations I nurtured with love and care,

And today those relations have pushed me away;

To them, I have shared my life as an open book

But now they are but happy when I am away…

They go off to places, and never ask a word

They arrive at conclusions without hearing my part

They call me selfish, and curse me from their heart

They close their doors, and through me apart

The relations I nurtured with love and care

And held close to my heart;

Those very relations are away from me

And I am alone, as I was in the start!

The saddest part is looking across

And finding a loved and nurtured relation,

Throw me away from his life

As a dirt, a curse, a despised creation!

When that very relation was my support

My pillar in times of agony and trouble,

A friend who knows everything about me,

An umbrella to rain and stones’ rumble!

A person who knew me before I spoke

Who understood me as my friends back home;

Whose side, I didn’t leave come whatever may,

Even he knows that for him I sustained in a ‘dome’!

Everyone have their reasons for whatever they do,

But I would have never told him to bow for me,

I know how it is when you are insulted

But you can do nothing, and let it be!

I thought at least he would support me,

He would understand what made me react,

And would be my side at all times

This I believed as God, as any real fact!

My hallucination is broken, and I am awake

And for him, I will even bow!

Maybe, someday, he will appreciate me for this,

And in this I will believe; through whatever; ‘somehow’!!!