Losing by Winning

Its funny that I choose to write today,
When I cannot even speak to myself
And I expect to speak to my blog, my mirror
Guess what, it might just be cracking itself!!!
A fool that I am, that I hurt everyone,
A fool that I am, that I do not understand,
A fool that I am, that I bring shame to people I love,
A fool that I am, with friends I cannot blend!

Look at me, what am I saying, calling myself a fool?
Am I trying to gain sympathy? Who am I trying to fool?
Myself, my blog, my reader, the inner me,
No no, don't worry, I am calm from within, really 'cool'!!!
This is a sympathy game, I am playing with myself
Where I call myself names, cry before people, fool the lot
And embarrass my friend, my name, my personality
Then, look back, smile, and feel happy about...

Hey wait, it doesn't end there, I don't stop,
Then I message, and call, and expect people to understand
Understand something that I myself do not
So what? They are my friends, so they should 'stand'
Beside me, no matter what I do, beside me
Not with me, because then they will know the truth
And I cannot afford that, as I do not know it myself
And with this, I get sick pleasure, and inside I 'soothe'...

Now can you imagine, what a maniac I am,
I am loosing it by the second, every second
I am planning, and plotting, and becoming a phycho
And expecting; when time comes, oh all this, I will easily mend!
This, a mess? Loads of Laughter! I must be kidding myself,
This is a game that I am playing, a game where only I can win!
This is fun, you can never lose; how can you loose to yourself?
No one will understand this, because through this, no one else has ever been...

I make the moves, I decide the rules, I judge the performance of myself,
I delve deep in thought and strategy to win and win only
I keep no stone unturned, I know all the ways, everywhere
I can do no wrong, neither can I, in the midway, flee
Why should I, its my game and I am winning,
All my moves are correct, all strategies right on target
What can go wrong? Who can make anything wrong?
And I LOSE! Remember, its RIGHT ON TARGET!!!